As my first Mother’s Day approaches, I feel like I can appreciate for the first time the significance of a day dedicated to celebrating the women who raised us. Motherhood is like trying to describe snow to a person who has never seen or touched it. You can read about becoming a mama as much as you want, but you will never truly understand it until you become one.

So, here are 10 things about motherhood that surprised me:

1

How funny I am

I never thought I was a funny person. Witty, maybe, but not ha ha funny. Guess what, I am actually hysterical. Just ask BB.

2

I can sing

Yep, that too. My rendition of old McDonald would blow you away.

3

How easy it would be

Not everything about being a mama is easy. It’s scary to raise a child and realize that every single thing you do influences the little person they will grow into. But the transition to motherhood, I thought it would be the greatest challenge of my life. I thought BB would change everything and life as I knew it would be over. But she actually slipped seamlessly into our life. Becoming a mom wasn’t a transition, it just happened and BB made it easy.

4

How much it would change my marriage

Some days, it’s for the worst. It takes effort now to find time for eachother. But most days, I can’t believe how much more I love Blake. My heart actually feels like it might explode watching him love BB. I can’t believe how easily he took to parenting. I have to be honest, I was a little worried. Before BB, I never saw Blake hold a baby. I actually watched as he ran away from a baby once. When I asked him later what he was doing, he said the baby “looked like it (yep he called it ‘it’) was going to blow.” He used to have a crazy fear of being spit up on. But guess what, your own baby’s spit up and bodily fluids don’t really bother you that much.

5

How little I appreciated my own mom

I thought I appreciated my parents before I had BB. I did not, not even close. You can’t possibly appreciate your own mother until you become one. Almost every day, something happens that prompts me to want to call her and thank her, or mostly apologize. I used to think of my mom as a separate person. She had this own life separate and apart from mine. I didn’t understand how sometimes SHE didn’t understand that our lives were separate. I now understand that my sister and I are a part of her forever, no matter how old we are. That her life has been and always will be 100% driven by us and our happiness. Every second of every day is about us. I now appreciate that there is no stopping a mother’s innate ability to overreact. I also know there is nothing I can ever do to thank her for all of the above, but I know that she doesn’t need or want any thanks because being a mom is the greatest joy of her entire life. Making her a Grandma is a close second.

6

The guilt

No matter what decisions you make: breast or bottle, work or stay home, sleep training, taking time for yourself, there will be guilt. I wasn’t ready for the guilt, but guilt just comes along with motherhood. You will question your parenting decisions because other people will too. Every day, I try to accept my decisions and remind myself that Blake and I know what is best for our baby.

7

How much fun I would have

Every cliché you have ever heard about the love you will feel for your child is true. It blows you away. So much so, that I can’t think about it or talk about it without crying. But the joy is almost as strong. I didn’t know the level of joy she would bring. If I am honest, I kind of thought parenting would be a snooze fest most days. Sitting around all day watching a baby eat, sleep, and play, didn’t sound like the most scintillating life. I have never laughed as hard, smiled as much, or enjoyed life more than with BB. My mom used to tell me, “your life starts when you have a baby.” Never has she been so right.

8

How fast it goes

Don’t blink, you will miss it. BB is almost one, and I can’t say it out loud. Where did this year go? She is basically ready for college. Time, slow down please. It feels like we took these pictures yesterday, but she was only 2 months old.

9

The fear

You have never known fear until the first night when you come home from the hospital with your child. The first couple weeks, I thought I would never sleep again. I was too scared to close my eyes. I actually couldn’t sleep unless I knew someone else was wide awake watching the baby. Blake and I took shifts sleeping. It will get better. You will sleep again, I promise.

10

How much is outside my control

I have an obsession with parenting books. I started reading them the moment I knew I was pregnant. I planned and planned and planned. I planned my labor and delivery, the first couple months, our sleep training, the type of baby we would have. Guess what, most of motherhood is outside our control. Shaping and molding only go so far. BB came into this world her own little person with ideas of her own. Every day, a new HUGE personality trait surfaces. And I wouldn’t have it any other way.

Photos: Paper Antler